Saturday, December 13, 2008

Next

I'm not sure if I can describe it, and I'm not sure that you even care, but I had been stuck.

Following the big conference last July, I was on an emotional merry-go-round. I was tired and needed a break from just about everything. And then I re-calibrated and found myself preparing for the fall conferences. This, the whole "work" thing, took a lot of time and energy, and I've noticed that whenever that happens my blogging suffers -- I have no creative stamina left to write with (even though arguably, it's the time in my life when there's the most to write about).

During this time, Ish and I were having many many many many conversations about the future and marriage and kids and fertility and balancing hypotheticals and what-ifs. The future held many wonderful, scary possibilities (as it tends to do), but they were all just possibilities. Nothing was actually happening. I felt hopeful but trepidacious and absolutely stunted when it came to blogging.

And now there's so much motion!

Someone asked in my last post why we chose to do this "all" at one time, and my first thought was "Oh hey, I haven't even shared all of it yet." But the answer is that I see this as one big-picture thing. I mean, we want to be married, we want to have kids. Getting engaged was, to me (and I believe to us), a jumping off point: Yep, we're ready, let's move on to "next."

(To reiterate though, we didn't think kids was a likelihood, and we believed with good reason that conception would take months, maybe years of trying...We did NOT expect to have this happen all at once, but so what? I'd take this over the alternative any day and I am nothing but grateful.)

And so speaking of "all of this" -- the funny thing is, I don't even care about the wedding anymore.

Well okay, that's not entirely true. OF COURSE I want to have a big ole' party with everyone we care about, la la la. But far more importantly, I just wanna be married to Ish. And with a peanut on the way, the details around the wedding just don't seem to matter so much anymore.

Anyway!

My point here is just that I feel like after MONTHS of thinking and contemplating and wondering and not-knowingness about what's coming next, I finally know.

And I can finally blog about it.

13 comments:

  1. Bless yer buns, Sweetie. Hell, Go for it all. Go for your happiness. Go for your wonderful life with your upcoming Peanut. Just damn go for it. It's long past due.

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  2. I met The Husband in July 2006. We moved in together in June 2007. Got engaged in September and eloped in Vegas 6 days later. Since we eloped we didn't have our honeymoon until the following January (I was the one who emailed about HOT WINE!! in San Francisco). We sold our respective condos to buy a house together in May 2008 and it closed in August. In the middle of moving, we discovered our own little bundle of joy was on the way. He/she is due on April 21st.

    "All of this" has happened in under three years. Fuck yes, it HAS been a whirlwind. I have loved every minute of it, and I wouldn't change a thing. I can imagine that you feel the same way. Isn't it awesome?

    Congratulations! I hope you, the proud papa AND the peanut enjoy this wonderful ride.

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  3. In my very limited experience, life usually does seem to happen either "all at once" or...not.

    I'm a fan of you for so many reasons-laughter, things in common, things not in common, a little jealousy, and the fact that you are a great writer (and artist-and not just because of the drawings, but because of the way you turn your life into this blog).

    I wish you the best...not that I'm not going to keep reading anyway!

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  4. If you want to be married, then either elope at the courthouse or have immediate family for a small ceremony. There is plenty of time for planning a big to-do party later on. Besides, you've both been through that riggamarole before, so just follow your hearts!!

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  5. I've been reading your blog for a couple years now but never posted (I guess I feel a little funny being one of the Imaginary Internet Friends). Your last few posts and the one when you announced your engagement brought tears of joy to my eyes though. This has been like following a tv show that I can actually relate to and let me just say that Peanut is so so so lucky to have a mum like you! enjoy the next several months to the max!

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  6. Congratulations!

    We had almost exactly the same scenario. I used the impending peanut as an excuse to elope, thus avoiding the ordeal of planning a big wedding with my future in-laws.

    Haven't regretted a thing, except occasionally the in-laws, but they live far away, and I have caller id.

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  7. Actually you have NO idea what is coming next.....

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  8. Holy cow! I just saw your last 3 posts! Congratulations! Sorry I've been out of the loop with no power for days.

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  9. Wow....congrats to you both! And the cats, too :) I'm so looking forward to all of the fun you'll be having the next few months...and then some!

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  10. OK, am I the only one connecting the dots? You haven't told us everything, and your discovery came after the Clomid Challenge...

    How many, Kristy?

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  11. I'm so excited to hear about all your "nexts," Kristy. Thank you for being willing to share your life with all your IIFs. :)

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  12. congratulations again, and i'm so excited that you are sharing your story with us (and blogging more!). and i loved that you referred to yourself as knocked up!

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  13. CONGRATS!!!
    for real live support throughout the next few months, try www.youbemom.com
    it's addictive. :)
    Best to you and Ish and the peanut!

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